I’m Kristen. Welcome to All In My Twenties, my place to pour my little heart out on the daily!! This is the world just as I see it. Why dont you kick up your feet and stay awhile?!
First things first, this baby blog hit a little milestone yesterday!!
2000 lovely readers!
Thats crazy!
I still remember when it had 10 followers.
And 7 of them were family and friends.
Thank you all for coming here and visiting every day.
Your comments and kind advice mean more to me than you'll ever know!
You really are why I continue this blog.
Thanks a billion.
Moving on to today's topic.
Lately the big "living together" topic has been frequenting our happy home and Im super curious to hear other lady's opinions on this topic.
Ive always known that I wanted Chris and I to live seperately when he returned to Houston because I think its going to take a little adjusting for both of us. I mean this in a good way of course. For the majority of our relationship Houston has been my city and he has been an out-of-towner! With that comes the fact that we havent done the whole staying at eachother's places during the middle of the week, balancing work with us time and so forth. During the week we concentrate on work and Thursday-Monday morning we are together for us time. I have no doubt that this move is going to be everything I dreamt it would be, its just going to take adjusting for both of us and I think for at least the first 6 months that adjusting is going to be easier in our own homes. I will remain in my house with my roomies and Chris will have an apt here.
The question is when do we take the plunge? I honestly think Chris would move whenever I said I was ready, but Im not so quick to make that decision. I genuinely believe this has a LOT to do with my past. I lived with my college sweetheart after 3 years of dating and it ended with us going our own ways. I will never say that living together is the reason we split, but I do believe the fact that we were SO young and underestimated the commitment was a HUGE contributor to relationship ending. God had other plans for me and I thankful he did!
I know this is a very different relationship and that I am a VERY different person now, but I still have anxiety about the whole "living together" step. My anxiety comes with the idea of messing up this good thing. We are so happy right now and the thought that making this step at the wrong time could ruin it, scares the living day lights of me! I've said a thousand times that I absolutley WILL live with my significant other before marrying them and I absolutely plan to, I just want it to be a the right time.
So my question to you, is when did you take the plunge and move in with your love? Personally I would prefer to be engaged prior to living together and then moving in during the whole wedding planning process. Im just curious to hear what worked for you and what was disasterous. I know everyone's different but I like to hear other's opinions and experiences.
So shoot! Tell me everything you've got!
And then go hear Katie's take on marriage! It goes hand in hand with my relationship questions today and the Lord knows Ive asked him and everyone else that a time or two!
I moved in with Jake shortly after moving home from college. There was DEFINITELY an adjustment period, but I've loved living with him. I think you'll know when the right time is. If you and Chris are spending every single night together, and get sick of living out of bags, it's probably time to move in together! You and Chris are so great together, you have nothing to worry about!
ReplyDeleteIf he is waiting for you, then I totally say, do it when you feel right.
ReplyDeleteI personally, with 110% no judgement towards others, do not want to live with any man but my husband. I am looking forward to the specialness of being married and living with him.
And trust me, I've heard all of the reasons FOR living with someone before getting married, so I get that. However, to me the pros of not living with a bf out weigh cons in my opinion.
I think that waiting for engagement sounds reasonable. A lil bit more reassurance if you will.
I live very close to my BF, and it's still amazing to GO HOME to my place whenever I want. I'm relishing these moments, because soon they will be gone.
Hope this wasn't toooo long! Short version, do you, you'll know when it's time! :)
I moved in with my boyfriend about a year into our relationship. I was really hesitant at first. I told myself, "If I move in with this guy, this is it, this is the person I want to be with for the rest of my life" and we have been living together ever since! It is rough at first, because you have to adjust to the whole living together situation, but you learn what eachother is like and it gets easier. Now I am waiting on the RINGGG! haha Good Luck darlin!
ReplyDeleteI met my (now husband) when he was 17 and I was 22. We had a long distance relationship for a year and when I unexpectedly had to move out of my apartment but had nowhere to go he invited me to come live with him. He still lived at home with his Mom and brothers! I took a chance, moved there and we soon got an apartment of our own. Four years later our daughter was born and now we finally just got married this past September. I know our situation is/was not normal at all, but it worked and I've never been happier. He's the only "roommate" I've ever had who I didn't end up hating or getting in a fight with haha!
ReplyDeleteI pretty much started staying at my (now husbands) house in college when we started dating. But that's what you do in college. We've been together ever since. However, I REALLY wish we would have waited to "move in" together b/c it took away the butterflies over him coming over, picking up, etc. We really had no choice though b/c we moved to a new city together and it was the smart thing to do. However, the advantages is, it saves A TON of money!!! We both weren't paying rent and I helped him out on groceries and utilities. Also, you get to know that person on a whole different level which he later told me, that's how he KNEW when he would propose b/c he realized he CAN live with me and I didn't bother the heck out of him! ;) Whatever decision you make, will be perfectly fine!
ReplyDeleteI moved in with my boyfriend of a year after I had to move to Seattle for my job and he decided to come with me for the adventure. It was tough because we were dealing with living together for the first time AND living and working in a new city. The transition wasn't as tough as I thought. Of course there will be an adjustment time. All I can say is if you really aren't ready (and it sounds like you really aren't), DON'T do it yet. Chris will always be there and when the time is right, you will and you will be 100% behind your decision. I just don't think it is a good idea until you are really ready (it is one of those things like marriage). Just because you have been dating for so many years doesn't necessarily mean it is the right time.
ReplyDeleteI, too, lived with my college sweetheart and that did not end well. We did not live well together and that was only part of it, but living together really brings out everything into the open that wouldn't otherwise be out there when you live on your own.
Take your time. It is just one of those things that will be right when it's right. Don't rush it or feel like you have to compare your situation to anyone else's.
I previously lived with a boyfriend and ending up going separate ways, so I knew after moving on from that relationship I didn't want to do that again. When I met Mark we both knew we didn't want to live together until we got married and I am early glad we didn't! We had a short engagement (3 months, when you know, you know!) and I was a total basket case during the wedding planning so it was nice to have my own space during that crazy time. It was so adventurous to get married and then move in :). Good luck with whatever you do!!
ReplyDeleteI moved in with my (now husband) after we got engaged. I knew he was *the one* long before that, but I was very firm on needing that commitment and that promise before we jumped in. I think it really varies from relationship to relationship, but I loved having that time to get to know each other intimately living together before marriage. It was stressful at times and you learn quickly when you get mad that you can't just slam the door and go back to your place to cool off. That said, since we got all that adjusting out of the way in the year we were engaged, we have done nothing but enjoy ourselves since being married. We argue less, understand the boundaries and when the other needs space. I would not have wanted to fugure all that out after the honeymoon!
ReplyDeleteXoxo,
Taryn
I think it's totally smart of you to live separately once he moves there, to kind of adjust to being that close. I feel like once you do that, and things adjust nicely, the transition to living together will just happen.
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend and I lived about a 5 minute drive from one another and when it came time for my lease to be up, we didn't want that to change--plus I was at his house the majority of the week at that point anyway. Moving in was seemless. He recently commented that it seems like we've lived together forever (in a good way) because things just go so smoothly.
I think you'll know when you're ready, once he's here. And when you do, just do it! :) I did, and I haven't regretted it once!
I think you will know it when the time comes, plain and simple. You'll know when you're ready. We got to a point where I was sleeping at his place every night anyway, and it was stupid to pay two rents.
ReplyDeleteYou'll know when you know. Don't analyze it, shug.
:)
My husband and I dated long distance for 8 months when I decided to move to his state and rent a house with him. We were engaged by the time I moved in with him, otherwise I probably would have been a little more nervous about taking that step, however, it was me moving to his state so I had more at risk than my home town. I feel like there is no right time to do it, it is whenever you are ready. It is always an adjustment no matter how much you love that person. You are going to do something to annoy him, and he will do something to annoy you. Growing and compromising together is so special.
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend pretty much started staying with me non-stop when we started dating in college. We didn't get our own place until we had been dating for 2 1/2 years. It was a huge adjustment though from staying over every night. When you each have your own place, you still have to be respectful of the other persons space (ie. cleaning up after yourself.) When we got our own place it was an adjustment to go from staying over to always having them there. The first couple of months were the hardest because if we got into a tiff, I couldn't say leave because it was his home too. We figured it out though and are better than ever now. We have a system that we've fallen into (you do this, i do that) and it works for us.
ReplyDeleteI would say, don't do it until you are ready though. In my situation, I just assumed- 'youre here all the time, might as well pay' and it just stuck.
For us, we moved in about 5 months after we started dating, but our circumstances were extreme. I was having serious issues with my father and had to move out or it was gonna get really bad and Josh couldn't afford to stay where he was, plus when I moved out he spent most of his time at my place anyways. I think you're making the right decision by waiting for a little while and adjusting slowly. Living together works for us because its all we've ever known (we've been together almost 3 years) but for others that is not the case and it does take some adjusting time.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I would say not before an engagement. I think there's a reason that God only wants us to share certain things with our husbands. Please don't think I'm judging you- I've read your blog for months and you and Chris are about as cute as it gets, but give yourself a chance to at least date in the same city before you take that step.
ReplyDeleteI've never lived w/ a boyfriend so I can't offer much advice. But good luck w/ whatever you decide! :)
ReplyDeleteKristen, I moved in with my now fiance about 5 months prior to our 3 yr anniversary. He had been in his new place for about 6 months. I changed jobs and moved from my hometown to be with him. Financially at the time it was a good decision. It was tough at first and I got upset over silly stuff but we KNOW we can live with each other.We got engaged 5 months after I moved in with him. I understand your reasoning-- I would be scared too. But it has been one of the best decisions ever! We know each other's weird quirks/things we do around the house and when we get married in October, it won't freak us out! Hope this helps!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteThe first two years Andre' and I were dating we were 45 minutes apart, so while we didn't spend time during the week together, we practically lived with each other on the weekends. When I moved to his city (where we are now) we moved in together - mainly because at that point in our lives we knew we were going to be engaged soon and we were already starting to save for a house. I didn't have any friends here so I wasn't in a good position to find a roommate and each of us living on our own just didn't make sense financially. So I was sort of in a way where you are now - and looking back I think it would have been awesome to live apart from each other because it was the first time we were in the same city. I always thought I wanted to not live together before marriage, but for us it worked out and I'm glad we did it, but it definitely takes some adjusting. You seem like you're putting some serious thought into this and I say that's a great thing!! It's definitely not something to jump into.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I lived 45 minutes apart, not terribly awful but not convienient. When I moved from my roomates to my own place he slowly but surely moved in. We had been dating a little over a year. I was hesitant at first but as we figured things out it was great.
ReplyDeleteYou will know when it's right or you can slowly move things in his apt like my husband did. Ha!!
Michael and I didn't live together until just after we were engaged. I had my mind firmly made up about it well in advance of meeting him, and I refused to budge when the topic came up a few months into dating. Living together is huge. You have to do a lot of compromising, and it takes a lot of adjusting, especially at the beginning. I just felt that it all went hand-in-hand with engagement, and to this day, I am 100% happy with my decision.
ReplyDeleteI'm basically in the same boat as you, so I'm definitely trolling your comments looking for some sound advice haha!
ReplyDeletekinda funny, I'm going through pretty much the same thing as you. David and I have been long distance for 6 years. He finally moved to my city, Chicago about 2 months ago. We are going to move in together when my lease ends in Sept. So that gives us almost a whole year of living apart. I completely understand the anxiety you feel, as I have been getting used to him being close all the time, too. But it has been absolutely fantastic!
ReplyDeleteJason and I moved in together after a year of dating...but we only lived 15 minutes apart that first and spent A LOT of time at each other's places. I think it's smart of you to give you both an adjustment period, but do that NOT because you're scared. If you think that's what is best for you and your relationship....wait! But if you want to live with him and think it will make you both happy and your relationship stronger I say TAKE THE PLUNGE! I say make a smart decision not a scared decision. If that makes any sense! So excited you two will be in the same city though! EEEK!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I bought a house together after dating for 4 years. We fixed up our little home for years (and still doing projects 6 years into it). You learn A LOT living with your significant other. I thought after 4 years I would know just about everything about him. NOPE! Moving in with him opened a whole new chapter in our life together. Difficult at times...yes, but worth it. We got engaged 4 years after buying the house and were married a week before our NINE year anniversary.
ReplyDeleteI think as long as you two have a strong relationship and are completely honest with each other the move will be successful.
I remember this time in mine & my fiance's relationship. I honestly think that you need to go with what your gut is telling you. You've wanted to be in the same city as each other now for so long & you finally are so, don't rush things. Just him living in Houston is adjustment enough, don't pile on the pressures of moving in together too. My fiance & I went through something similar except we'd only been together 1 year when he moved in. I had just rented this house that was all mine & had just gotten perfectly settled. While I was over the moon excited for him to move in with me, I had no idea what was ahead of us. I seriously thought it was all going to be perfect! I was 22 & learned the hard way. We had our ups & down but, ultimately we decided that we wanted to be together forever. After being together for 3 1/2 years & living together for 2 1/2 years we got engaged last June & will be married this May!
ReplyDeleteSo, follow you gut & follow your heart! Know that when you do move in together, it doesn't mean "doom" for your relationship. You're a completely different "you" now & this is a completely different relationship - it will work! Good luck & I'm so excited for y'all to finally be in the same city as each other!!!
I think every couple is different and you really have to choose what works best for the two of you. I didn't live with my husband until we were married and I liked it that way. Plus it was exciting once we were married to get to move in with each other for the first time! Living with someone else is HARD work. When you are married you know that the other person is 100% committed to working out problems and it is "safe" to fight without the fear of breaking up or someone moving out. With that said, everyone is different! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI moved in with my now fiance, after 4 & 1/2 years of dating. Since we had started dating, he had always lived alone (no roommates) and I always had at least one. We didn't live in our hometowns either. We had discussed moving in together but felt that it would be easier to keep separate places because of how our families might feel, even though we spent plenty of nights over with each other. My roommate was going to move back home after she graduated so we decided to move in together to avoid paying over $800 each on rent and expenses. We expected our lives to progress together but saving money to make it happen was going to be hard too. Our biggest hurdle was letting our parents know our decision, despite the fact that we were 24 and 28 at the time. Believe it or not we got more backlash from his mom than anyone else..another story for another day. Going into the move, we both knew that an engagement would be coming. We were engaged just after a year of moving in together. It worked out great for us, I was very secure in our relationship and had never really felt one way or another on the living together before marriage issue. I do agree that you give up a little more 'you' time and that it does change the dynamics of the relationship. Sorry for the novel, but you should do what works and is right for y'all relationship!
ReplyDeleteMe and my BF are moving in together @ the first of February I'm scared to death!! We have been together 4 years and we are finally taking the big leap but still scary!! :P
ReplyDeletei LOVE that you wrote about this subject! i was very unprepared for the emotional issues that living together brought up. i had wanted to wait until we were engaged, but our leases were up at the same time and it made financial sense and would be much more convenient. that first month was TERRIBLE - i was going against what i had wanted and my bf had no clue that i thought that moving in together meant we were on the road to marriage. we did discuss - and we are engaged now! - but i think you are very smart to be thinking this all out before you live together, and that you're open with chris on your feelings. plus, if you wait til you're engaged you won't have to listen to your coworkers/family/friends say you are giving the milk away for free! ;) in the end, i'm happy we lived together and it worked out for us. i know whatever you two do, you'll be okay!
ReplyDeleteI've had an interesting situation with my boyfriend of almost two years. In the first nine months of dating, he was robbed at his old apartment. For safety purposes and while he looked for a safer apartment in a safer area, he came and lived in my house with me and my two roommates for about a month and a half. It was a HUGE adjustment for both of us, at a time when neither one of us were ready to live together and I was happy when he got his own place again. Fast forward six months later when his lease is up for renewal with his awful roommate, he decides not to renew and I offered him to come live with me and my roommies again (who adore the guy) to cut down living expenses for everyone. This time, we both have become more secure in living with each other and it's been awesome having him around and living with him. It'll be another short period of time before he gets his own apartment, but if I can find a higher paying job, we're talking about moving in together afterwards.
ReplyDeleteI think there is no right or wrong time in your relationship, but you should do it when it feels right to you, no matter how long you've lived together. :)
We moved in together after about 3 years of dating. Have been married over 10 years now. We were not engaged at the time but it had been discussed and we both knew it was inevitable. Like you, I had lived with someone else before and we split as it was too much, too soon and too young.
ReplyDeleteMy advice would be to do it when it makes sense from a financial and timing perspective like when your lease is about to expire or something. You should also discuss the boundaries and parameters in advance so you don't end up in a place you don't really like. My hubby was insistent from day one that he would not share a bathroom or a closet with me so we needed a 2bed/2bath place. Just know your expectations and don't be afraid to voice them and discuss them or someone could end up disappointed and resentful. It's a big step so just talk about it and when you think you're done, talk about it some more!
I think living together is an important step in a relationship and I'm surprised at how many couples don't live together before getting married. Yeah, it kind of takes the special out of getting married, but goodness you sure learn a lot about someone when you live together!
ReplyDeleteI live with the boyfriend because it's cheaper. We've been together for 4 years and there's no point in us each paying rent when we constantly stay with each other.
I think sometimes it's more economically feasible to live together. If you start talking about forever, I definitely don't think it's too soon. But if you've only been together for less than a year I think maybe wait on it.
As the person before me said there's no right or wrong answer. Good luck!
I moved in with my (current) husband before we were engaged. BEST THING I EVER DID! We got to know each other WAY better and realized that this was actually something that could work. I also know others who have moved in before an engagement and found out the relationship wasn't worth pursueing any longer!!!! (To put it niccely!). So I say ... GO FOR IT when you think it is right! :)
ReplyDeleteOur situation was very similar! Corby and I started dating in college. But he is older than me and graduated 2 years before I did. So for 2 years, we lived 3.5 hours apart. And we did the visit each other over the weekends/holidays/vacations stuff too and always stayed together. And we always, always enjoyed each others company. Well when I graduated, I moved to Fort Worth (where he was living) but at the time he lived with 2 roommates and I lived with my aunt and uncle for about 2 months. Once I had been at my job a couple months, I got my own, 1 bedroom apartment and Corby moved in shortly after. So we lived in the same city for about 2 months before living together. At this point, we had been dating for about 3 years. He moved in in August 2009 and we got engaged in November 2009 and got married (and moved to our townhome) in August of 2010. We never had a problem living together. I loved having him there. And much preferred it to living alone.
ReplyDeleteObviously, every relationship is different. Once you start staying at the others place every single night, why not! It saved us money! :)
I lived with a boyfriend and lived with a fiance. You could definitely tell the difference in the two situations, and I think it was due, in large part, to being in different stages of a relationship. Taking a super committed step in a not so super committed relationship (i.e., the non-engaged one) seems out of sorts to me now in hindsight. At one point, I saw living together as a factor in the demise of my relationships, but I know now that they were meant for destruction. I would have waited for the ring.
ReplyDeleteYou know, if I was as smart then as I am now :)
i moved in with colby about a year after we started dating-- we did the two city thing while i was finishing up at baylor the year prior. i was new to austin and wasn't about to waste rent $$ on a place i was never going to be at (plus, my mom was like you can get a bigger, nicer place if the two of you live together!) it was a HUGE adjustment, i had never lived with anyone i dated before, but it was time. it was the best decision i ever made. yes it was hard. there were fights, and screaming and yelling, and a LOT of learning but with any relationship, there are going to be bumps in the road. we are now married (obvs) and let me tell you. had we not lived together before we got married, we would have started our marriage out learning all the weird quirks, the habits, etc. NO one wants that!! haha i don't know how people do that!! bottom line, if your ready, or think your ready, do it. i know you love him and are ready to make a commitment- think of it as the promise ring. ready to make a commitment, but not ready to take the plunge ;) zlam!
ReplyDeletewhat?!? You want to be living in sin??-- as my great aunt says. I lived with him for a summer before we got engaged then I went back to JMU to finish my school. I used that summer as a trial period...a can I live with this person for the rest of my life trial period?!
ReplyDeleteHere is my advice looking back. You learn WAAAAAAY more about the person when you live with them. Some bad...majority good. But I didn't learn the bad stuff until we were comfortable with each other (longer than our trial period). I personally don't know how he puts up with me sometimes. So type A. I say live in sin, try it, if it doesn't work out then at least it's not a divorce...you just don't have a wedding.
My bet is that it will work out, you will get married and have babies and KEEP your dogs.
Me and My BF started dating in high school (10-11 years ago), broke up and eventually started dating again nearly 7 years later... We've been together almost 3 years this summer and we purchased our first house this past August. I love living with him, we are so comfortable together. With no ring in sight I sometimes wonder if I hadn't moved in if I may be engaged by now? I know it will eventually happen one day so no biggie there- the hardest part was my Father's acceptance. He's a typical southern Dad, whose last words before ending every phone call is "Remember to always be a lady"... He's slowly coming around but not before months of not speaking because I was "shacking up"... I don't regret it, but YOU have to make yourself happy. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteFrom my own personal experience I say wait until he puts a ring on it before you move in with him. My best friend and I started dating our boyfriends around the same time 5 years ago. She moved in with him within the first year and I never lived with my boyfriend. Cut to, she's still living with him and still not engaged whereas I got married last month on the 1st.
ReplyDeleteI have learned through the years that men need space and time to miss us. They don't want to spend 24/7 with us like we do with them. They need guy time just as much as we need time with our ladies. It seems like you have a good thing with your roommates and you don't have financial issues so I don't see why you would need to live with him. Of course you should do what your heart and head tells you to do but I just had to put in my two cents. Anyways, love your blog and I hope you and Chris are very happy together.
We almost waited until we were engaged. We were supposed to be engaged, but there was a problem with the ring. He actually popped the question, the morning after my first official night in the apt. It was my welcome home present! I moved in towards the end of February and we got married in September. I had been very anxious about this step as well, and the timing was just perfect the way it worked out. Good luck girl!
ReplyDeleteMike and I dated for 5 years and then we moved in together. We both moved were living home and moved out of our parents house into an apartment together. I honestly had always said I wanted to be engaged before I moved out, but it was the BEST decision I ever made ... living together is a big step and not one to tread lightly on, but I think it 100% can make or break your relationship, which for me ... is worth it. I rather know way sooner "oh hey, this is/is not going to work out" then not ya know?
ReplyDeletePS -> I've never been happier, so for me, moving in was the definite right thing! So I say dooooooo it :)
DeleteMy husband and I were together 5.5 years before getting engaged. When we were in college I'd stay at his place most weekends and sometimes we'd stay together during the week. One month before our wedding I really had no choice but to move into our new house with him because we were moving away and my new job was starting (which meant the month before my wedding I wasn't even in my hometown of the wedding). So technically we only lived together the month before the wedding.
ReplyDeleteI've seen a lot of couples move in and then breakup. I always thought it was a curse. I'd definitely wait till you have a ring on your finger ;) Then go from there!
Hope that helps.
I would definitely wait until you are engaged. I moved in with my ex husband when we were just dating and it was a really dumb idea. Definitely don't do it for the sake of saving money or any other reason besides the fact of loving each other and wanting to spend your lives together forever.
ReplyDeleteaww, thanks for the link love muffin! :) our topics are so similar today - I'm loving reading everyone's thought about both of these!! I think it is different for every couple. I think it's fine to move in before you get married, and in some cases, good to find out how you "can" live with the other person b/c you'll have already gone through that phase. I think when you and the boo feel ready you should! :)
ReplyDeleteKristen,
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you about the not living together until you are engaged thing! Personally, I think living together needs to be a choice that a couple makes, not something done for convenience or other reasons. I lived with an ex-boyfriend for 3 months while his apartment was being renovated (it was flooded when the sprinklers from the fire alarm went off b/c of a fire in a neighboring apt). The whole time he was there I felt like he was intruding on my space and I didn't really have a choice about him being there. From that time on, I decided that if I was going to move in with someone the relationship had to be very serious and living together needed to be a more romantic gesture, not just a convenient one.
Hope this helps! :)
When my hubby and I first started dating, we "unofficially" lived together. We would always spend the majority of our time together, and spend the night with each other. However, I had my own apartment and he had an apartment with 2 roommates and then a house. After his roommates moved out, I moved in. Even before that, I was always there and never spent time at my own place. We met in July 2009 and moved in together "officially" in March 2011 (I believe). It might have been a few months before that. We got married in June 2011.
ReplyDeleteThe whole situation is different for every couple, but I would at least wait until you are engaged! When we got married, nothing really changed for us, because we already had been living together, so nothing was a surprise.
Such a great outlook! Some people just move in so quick without wholeheartedly thinking about what the step is! My husband and I moved in together in Jan. because I got a job in the area and it was only feasable thing to do. We were engaged 3 months later, I think us living together quickened the process! haha. I say move in together when you are ready! And if anything get a new place together so it is yall's to start together and place things in their spots together! I was nervous moving in with my husband (BF at the time) because it was his home that he had lived in for 3 years and had things the way he wanted. But I voiced this to him and to be open to the change that came along with me moving in and things would not be exactly the same as they were when he lived alone or when I did! I feel this helped a ton and made our transition smooth! Here is my only setback I see about moving in together after engaged- the planning process of a wedding can be stressful and adding that with moving in together, another big step, can cause extra stress that doesn't have to be there! If that makes sense! My wedding planning was stressful, but my husband and I grew closer in this time and having him there made it that much better. But we had adjusted to living together already by the time we were engaged!So I say move in a little before you are engaged and get adjusted! Then once you are engaged it is that much sweeter!!! and it is nice having them right there with the planning process! They see the good and bad and in the end you guys grow!
ReplyDeleteI am no expert! Just my feelings! :) I believe you guys will do great no matter what you decide!
Greg and I didn't move in together until 4 months before our wedding when his lease was up and it didn't make sense for him to go sign another one for 4 months. Before that, we had separate apartments and stayed at each other's apartments every other night. So we sort of lived together even though we weren't technically living together. I think you are the best judge for this! Do what you think is right!
ReplyDeleteI have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years, and living together for about a year and a half. We started dating at the end of college/beginning of his grad school. For the year he was in grad school, I spent many nights a week at his house he shared with roomies, but also had my own 1 bedroom apartment, where he stayed often too. We decided to move across the country to Colorado together to begin new jobs after 18 months of dating, and it has been such an easy and wonderful transition living together! I'm not sure when we would have moved in together if we had stayed in our college state surrounded by friends from college, but I'm so happy that we took the plunge to move in together. It's so fun living with my best friend (and i'm a total girl's girl), and having him there for me. It's pretty different just staying at one another houses, then living together, because you obviously are sharing space--but I think it's a great experience, and has made me realize even more how amazing of a guy I have, and how much I love him! I understand that many girls want to wait until they have a ring on their finger before they move in with their guy, and I'm definitly the type of person who believes in marriage, but if you're happy together then living together probably won't delay an engagement, and at least you'll be 100% sure after living together that you're meant to be! Then whenever that ring comes will be even more of a blessing! Good luck with whatever you decide girl~Brett
ReplyDeleteYou do what is best for both of you. I always knew that I would never live with someone until I was married to them. Living together works for some people, for others not so much.
ReplyDeleteI recently moved in with my boyfriend of 3 years (about 6 months living together). We lived about 40 mins apart before. We didn't spend work weeks together. Then moved to new city together. I have a few point that have truly helped us.
ReplyDelete-Talk about it, I feel like the more discussions we had the easier the process became.
-Keep things separate until married or at least engaged, This can be hard since my boyfriend makes more $$$. One big thing for me was keeping everything 50/50 and keeping my own routine. Example being paying bills or grocery shopping.
What I live by: i don't got your last name, you dont pay my bills. (unless it a date night)
My best friend is in the same situation where her boyfriend is thinking of moving to "her city" and we always talk about how there no rush for them to move into together when he moves because if she believes its forever then they have forever. Yes its some extra money but is it worth it in the end? He is looking for short term leases so they can continue checking in.
Wherever you go, go with all your heart
E and I dated for four years prior to getting married. Of those four years, 6 months we lived together and at that time we were engaged. We each had our own places all through dating because it worked best for us. We were able to have "us" time and our "own" time as well. 8 years later...I would do it the exact same.
ReplyDeleteThis is just my opinion and based on my experiences and my friends experiences. I'm 29 and married my high school sweetheart at 25, we did not live together before we got married because our parents are very conservative and I didn't want to make waves. My younger sister moved in with her boyfriend at 24 and it took her boyfriend 3 years to propose. I have countless examples of my other friends that it took many years to get a ring or they're still waiting for one.
ReplyDeleteAsk your self this: Do you want to get engaged? If yes, DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. What reason does he have to propose if you're already taking care of him and the home you live in together? (Yes, I realize this sounds completely like the 1950s mentality, but men aren't always that evolved). If you keep him wanting more of you, I promise you he will propose. If he sees you every morning and night he has no reason to change the status quo.
I don't think it's a problem if people move in together after getting engaged, but if you want to get married to your boyfriend don't move in before you set a wedding date!
I moved in with my husband 2 weeks after we got engaged. We obviously were planning to move in together (terminated my lease) before we were engaged, I just didn't know it would happen before we moved in. I, of course, told him he better propose asap because I wasn't moving in for us to just live together for years, ha. I planned our wedding in 7 months, which was the best decision ever. I highly recommend living together before because by the honeymoon, you will already be used to living together and then you can enjoy being a newlywed without worrying about the petty, ridiculous stuff! Good luck! I'm just waiting for your engagement ring to pop up on my Instagram! :)
ReplyDeleteI knew my fiance wasn't the type of man to string a girl along (unlike some of those I met previously), so I didn't rfeel like I had to get a ring prior to moving in, but got one about the time my lease ended anyways. I hadn't stayed in my apartment for over six months though, so basically we were living together. You'll know what's right for you, and Christopher seems like a great guy :-)
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more and I honestly feel like living together should be reserved for when you get married. Not only does it make it more special but it also ensures that the other person can't run everytime you argue about the laundry gettig done.
ReplyDeleteJohn and I moved in together officially 2 years after we started dating. But before that I hadn't stayed at my apartment for over 6 months and the cats were even living at his house because I was over there all the time.
ReplyDeleteI personally think this was the best thing for us. You learn so much about each other before marriage and learn how to live with each other. Planning a wedding/start a marriage on top of the big adjustment of moving in together could be very stressful. I feel like John and I grew so much closer during our time living together before we got married so it worked for us.
And I have to disagree with some of the other people about it taking longer to get engaged if you move in before. I don't think John would have proposed any sooner had we not moved in together. Every guy is different. Our time together before an engagement and marriage was priceless and we know it each other on a whole different level than if we had gotten married after only 2 years of dating and not living together.
I wouldn't recommmend moving in together right away. Him being in the same city with you is going to be a big adjustment to begin with and you'll know when the right time is to finally do it :)
good luck!
Chris and I have been living together for 2.5 years. And I feel like we are just now getting the hang of it. I needed to learn to pick and choose my battles... and to accept the fact he sheds little black hairs everywhere!! Here's my advice for you- don't be a nag. Easier said than done though. I became the 50 year old nagging wife (gf) I never thought Id become. But I gave it up for 2013 and things have been going swimmingly!
ReplyDeleteAnd like the above gals said, we've been together almost 6 years and I dont have a ring.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm after a good relationship, not a diamond. And I know that's not the case with everyone so I guess you have to find what works for you.
I love this! Yes! What is important? Being married so you can say you're married? Or being in a healthy, loving relationship!! :)
DeleteWe were dating for 3.5 months long distance, and decided that we wanted to be married, and live together before. However, I told him I wouldn't move in with him until I knew he had a ring. Well, we went ring shopping, he bought one, and I moved to where he lived and moved in together. We got engaged about a month after that. I wouldn't make that commitment to him until I knew he was ready to make a permanent one to me. It was quick, but we've been married for 4.5 years, together for almost 6. I know it's not the same for everyone, but my best friend bought a house with her boyfriend, they've gone ring shopping and everything, but he proposed. This is going on a year. She's at the point where she's ready to kick him out.
ReplyDeleteAnother piece of advice I'd give-don't put any time limits on it, like 3 months, 6 months, a year. Do it when it feels right for you guys. And in the end, it doesn't matter what anyone else says...just do what's best for you two :)
I was in a 6.5 year realtionship from the time I was 17 and we never lived together, even after we were engaged. That turned out to be for the better though, because it made things only slightly less terrible when I called off the engagement and our long relationship. I never lived with a significant other until I loved in with my now-husband. We were together less than a year when we signed a purchase contract for our new home and I moved in with him at his place shortly after that until our home was built.
ReplyDeleteI will say that the first year of living together (which was the second year of our relationship) was the hardest for me. If you don't have complete transparency, or if the financial balance is significantly weighted one way or the other, it makes things a bit more difficult. At least it did for us.
I will say that we got all of that worked out and out of the way before being engaged and married and we haven't really had any issues since that first year of living together. You have to do it when the time is right for both of you, whenever that may be.
I lived with my boyfriends in the past after college because I believed in the "DINK". However, after the last I swore up and down about it. When I met my husband he wanted to live together and I told him no - because of my past. None worked out in the past and I valued him way more. Well, never say never. He finally sat me down and said this is getting serious and he wanted me to move in with him. Best decision ever... 9 months later it didn't matter to me because he was serious - he put a ring on it!
ReplyDeleteI have always thought, why would a guy want to get married if they can have their cake and eat it too? I have always believed men value what they have to work hard for. I always thought it was a privilege for someone to be able to brush their teeth next to me at night and waited for that wedding ring!!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I moved in when we got engaged. We had dated for 3 years prior (the first year living in different cities, the other two being in the same city living separately with roommates). We would have been fine moving in together earlier but it worked out for us financially, with school and roommates to wait until we were engaged. We were also engaged for 3 years before we were married which is not typical! Moving in together was absolutely the funnest and best time for us. I truly believe that if it's the right person to be with the transition will build your relationship and be pretty easy. Since we had been together for several years and knew each other so well we weren't surprised by anything when we did move in. Of course you have some adjustments and takes a little time to figure out your schedule and such it felt right for us. My advice, just make sure you're ready. If it's not the right time (even if its the right person) it can put more strain/stress on your relationship. It will feel natural and you will be EXCITED & ready when it's the right time.
ReplyDeleteI moved in with him TOOO early. I wish I would have gone on my own. Yeah it made married life easier, but at the same time I missed that "newly-wed" adjustment period. Take your time. You will know when its right!
ReplyDeleteZack and I moved intogether after 11 months (16 of knowing each other) and then got engaged 6 months later. It's all on how you feel, but I will tell you being engaged and trying to plan a wedding AND adjusting to living with each other will be rough. I got soo annoyed at each of those stages sometimes I can't imagine putting them all together, but obviously it's all how YOU feel.
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of in the same boat as you - my boyfriend & I live an hour apart and only see each other on the weekends. We've been doing this for over 2 years now and someday, it's going to get to the point where we have to figure out who will move. It's hard to decide WHEN this will be as my lease is up at the end of July and my roommates will most likely be moving out. I don't know if that's enough time! We've talked about living separately and living together so it's something to think about. I wish I had an answer for ya but I'm glad to have read this as it is similar to my own situation! Good luck with whatever you decide!
ReplyDeleteWow, really interesting comments!
ReplyDeleteI didn't think people still thought like this!(I don't mean this in a judgy/mean way, I just really didn't realize !) Then again, I live in NYC so the idea of people getting married before 30 is crazy.
I've been with my BF for 3 years, we don't live together, but do spend every night of the week at one of our places. I am ready to move-in just because I'm lazy and don't like thinking about do I have stuff at his place, butttt I also really like having my own space too.
I'd say definitely get used to him being in the same city as you and then go from there. I think you'll know when it's the right time (as cliche as it is!) and if its not until you're engaged, cool!
My husband and I were long distance dating for 3 years before moving in together when he took a job in my city. We had a honeymoon period, but we also hit a rough patch about 8 months after. We fought through it though and three years later (this past September!) we got married. I wouldn't have had it any other way! I highly recommend living together before an engagement, but that us just my two cents! You and your boy will have to do what works for you both :). Such a cute cople you make! It will be so fun to finally be in the same city!! Enjoy :)
ReplyDeleteNick and I had a long distance relationship for about 2.5 years of our relationship, so we did alot of what you guys do now. When I moved back to Houston, I got my own apartment and he spent several nights out of the week at my place and I sometimes at his. Then I moved again going into our 5 years together and he pretty much kind of moved in with me without saying hey I live here now. We got engaged that year and then rented a house together. Fully living together with combining our things (rental house) was a big test. I was so use to him just using my things and never use to have his stuff around too, so that was very hard for me. I adjusted though!!! Good luck =)
ReplyDeleteI have been with my fiancé for 5 years, of those 5 years all but about 1 year has been long distance. We got engaged 1 year ago and moved in together 6 months ago. With the majority of our relationship being long distance, moving in together was a big adjustment! It was hard for me to not have "my" space anymore. I had trouble adjusting to all of the stuff that wasn't mine and making silly decisions like what detergent to use, what kind of sheets we wanted, etc. We are still not fully adjusted to living together, but it is going a lot smoother now! I think I would love to live in the same city with someone before moving in together and getting used to just being around the person while they are working and doing their weekly things that I didn't see when I was just visiting on weekends! I am glad that I know we will be fully adjusted by the time we get married, and hopefully face less bumps in the road because of it!
ReplyDeletelong-time reader...first-time commenter ;)
ReplyDeleteI moved in with Saul almost exactly a year after we started dating. I'd never lived with a boyfriend before him, and we were spending so much time together it just made sense. We lived in an apartment for a year and then bought a house together (eeek!) in 2008. We lived, unengaged/unmarried, in our house for 2 years (our parents were on the fence about this...) before he put a ring on it. We got married in 2010.
I knew, as soon as we decided to move in together, that I'd never live with anyone else ;)
I loved this post so much I included it in my series, Lots of Link Love! I hope you'll come check it out, and maybe even share it with your readers!
ReplyDeletehttp://stresscasey.blogspot.com/2013/01/lots-of-link-love_17.html
XOXO
Casey
PS I told my readers to get their butts over here and tell you their thoughts on living with a significant other. My take? I think it's like having a forever slumber party with your best friend. I was nervous to do it at first, but I've never looked back :)
This is such a great post, and it was great reading everyone's responses.
ReplyDeleteJohn and I started living together before we even started dating. We both really liked each other and started hanging out, one night I got way too intoxicated and I had to stay the night at his place, thankfully he was sweet enough to take care of me because I was a mess. After that night I never left. I lived with him and his roommates unofficially, then he moved in with me and my parents so we could get on our feet and get our own place. We've been together almost four years and have never spent a night apart. I knew after that first night that I didn't want to be anywhere else but with him.
Hey Kristen! I love reading your blog. I was having the same dilemma with Ryan about a year and a half into the relationship. I know everyone is different with their opinions on this and growing up I was always very strict that I wouldn't live with a guy until I was married. Well after dating Ryan for over a year I was getting so tired of packing all my stuff, spending all weekend with him and then traveling back to my apartment to stay during the week (mainly for traffic related reasons). I was so ready for the next step but was trying hard not to push it with him. I decided waiting for a ring felt right for me, but I know everyone is different. I think I needed that commitment from him. Now we are engaged and we have decided to move in together once my lease expires (end of April). That will be 5-6 months of living together before we are married. I hope that strengthens our relationship and we are pretty confident that it will. But I will say I look back now that I am engaged and I am so glad I didn't rush things by living together. Though at times I was dieing to move in... I knew God would work it out. And he did! And I am so grateful that we dated for a solid 2.5 years and took things slow. I think it's important to enjoy each step of the relationship! Because I know life really flies by.
ReplyDeleteI met my husband when he was in the Gulf War and we wrote letters back and forth.. then we were in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half.. We have been separated because of jobs about 3 times since we've been married and this is what I learned.. when they come back you can't pressure yourselves to be happy and joyful together.. your used to having space and doing things on your own so coming together can be slow and steady.. One thing I am so grateful for is that while he was gone I really discovered who I was and what made me happy.. I really know what I like and I am so comfortable with who I am.. I don't have to depend on my husband to entertain me.. I can do that.. and I think our relationship is stronger for it.. long distance relationships last longer because you have two people who are there because they CHOOSE to be..
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I moved in after 18 months and were engaged after only 4 months, We both knew whatever lay ahead we could work through it together. Now 3 kids and seven years of marriage we are about to move again, its much harder. we have had to use ABC Selfstore to hide all the keepsakes and breakables for the move and mostly on the day we shall be moving kids toys and bikes etc. I remember the first 6 months as being a little weird working out how to look after yourself as well as sharing living space with someone else but we had a lot of fun too. Having our own space and enjoying time together was great. Advice: wait till it feels right and don't get pets until you are married!
ReplyDelete